You do sound a bit depressed Ygrec. Your life is not over! Personally when I read your posts I do feel that you are someone with the ability to connect.
Have you ever read/seen the Remains of the Day (the movie is with Anthony Hopkins?) I am planning to revisit it myself soon as I think the message is a good one- life is not really over until it's over.
PS Thanks for this:
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I don't think I've ever met anyone who successfully made up for the past.
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I really loved that!