I haven't done trauma processing or work, so I really can't comment much. All I can say is that this:
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Sometimes I think that "trauma work" would be useless for me, that it's just further dwelling on the past, that I should look forward and face my real-life fears and work on today stuff instead of yesterday stuff. Even if my today fears are wrapped up in yesterday's stuff, isn't examining the past kind of like fixing your eyes on a rear-view mirror when you should be watching the road?
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is very much how I think and feel. So I totally get it.
Hope you find your way thru. Good to see a post from you because I have missed you.
(formerly known as Eileen2010)