I didn't go to class today. It's almost 1pm and I haven't even gotten out of bed. I could, if I wanted to. I could FORCE myself to do it. I could turn up. I probably wouldn't pay attention but at least I'd be there and that'd be something. I just can't face it. Can't face my profs or my classmates or my life in general. I haven't even checked my email in probably a week and a half because I'm terrified there will be messages from people wanting to know where I am, and I don't want to explain it, I don't want everyone to know what a failure I am, I don't want to think about all the work I'm missing or all the catching up I have to do. The thought of so much as opening my email fills me with terror, much less setting foot outside my own door. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry and wait for it all to go away. I don't care anymore. I can't care. Whatever part of me that used to be motivated by knowing how important my education is, how important it is to get out and be around other people, is just stuck. Frozen. Useless. I'm such a coward.