excellent question. Since you ask, I'll give you my own answer - I have wondered the same thing.

My T agrees with the idea that trauma is something that happens to you that you cannot deflect or defend against. About my own actions, she says that they were driven by trauma; she uses therapy-speak expressions, like "acting out" and "tension reduction activities".

But...... T is on the outside looking in. So far, I have not been able to find the acceptance (and forgiveness) that she seems to arrive at so easily.