I just wanted you all to know something.
I have given alot of advice to you and I don't want you to think I know it all. I am trying to heal too. I had come here to get some help or have a place to talk just like you. And, I am surprised that instead, I have been compelled to reach out.

I just want you all to know that I have alot of damage as well and I have overcome alot. I give advice because I was very fortunate to see alot, learn alot from other people. I did get out and RIDE so to speak. And so I do know that it works.

But, I come to you in mourning. I did work with many others and I had some very special tools that were living animals, horses and ponies and they were very special.

In my case, thru someones negligence, many of my special animals were damaged. It has traumatized me in every way, more than I couild have ever imagined. And all this damage sent me on a journey that showed me many brain injuries that were hidden in my brain.

I was so traumatized and exausted both physically, by addressing so many injuries, and overcome by anger and grief that I ended up not wanting to live anymore. I ended up in a hospital and that was even more tramatic, because I kept asking for grief counceling and rest and got neither.

I have sat across from Therapists that had no idea or could truely relate to the value of what was lost or the extreme injury it had caused to my brain. I did say all the right things and yet none of them really showed me my true depth of injury.

So, all I had was some wrong personality disorders and the word PTSD.
I found a pretty good Therepist that focused on the PTSD and admitted that the other disorders were wrong. I was handed pages of a workbook that address this disorder and ways to work thru all the emotions I had been dealing with. This is when I realized that I had been using these very methods ever since I was two years old.

Then, I was going to visit all my brain injuries thru terrible flashbacks that were so real and terrifying and the experience of having flashbacks is like having a stroke where I could not speak and was frozen in that moment of vivid memory. There many things that came with this, severe anxiety attacks, confusion, sadness and fear. And I began to become aware of triggers that were always there in my subconscious. The sounds that went with the trauma.

I wanted to find my way forward. Just like all of you. Luckily, I found the words that described me. I found http://bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm
and was introduced to ME.

So, I know what it is like to be trying to find out what you are fighting, asking and asking for help. Not always getting the help you need. Not even being able to afford the help you need because now you are deep in debt because of all the damage and the destruction of the business.

But, coming here and reading all your struggles is helping me find my strength again. As I reach out to you, I reach out to myself.

Thank you