Yes I feel it just absolutely overwhelmingly. I also feel like if I'd gotten the help I needed, my life could have turned out so differently. I blame myself for not getting the help too. But something convinced me I didn't deserve help, or that I was just "X" (insert Bad, Stupid, Hopeless, etc) and that was who I was and too bad, sucks to be me.
I felt like living life fully was for others, and not me, and what I needed to do was just get used to it.

I get so overwhelmed by it now. The fact that there is no time now. That there is time for some change, but not great change because this is IT. I feel like I'm right back to 'get used to it'.

I raised my son alone and I used to say, this is his time, and when he's grown, then it will be my time. I only had resources for one, was why I thought that way.
But he struggled, and took a while growing up (imagine that ). Now there is no time left.