hi treehouse,
i
totally know how you feel. i have been there, done that - many times in therapy. (in case you'd like a reminder!
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=175476)
i don't know what advice i have to give you (not that you're asking), but i do know that how you're feeling is totally normal and valid. reading one of your posts reminded me that you're in a 12-step program (you had mentioned it), and i don't know why, but i had the thought that maybe the steps could somehow apply to therapy:
1. We admitted we were powerless over our
therapy - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a
therapist greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our
therapist as we understood our
therapist.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to our
therapist, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have our
therapist remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked our
therapist to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our
therapist as we understood them, praying only for knowledge of our
therapist's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other
people in therapy, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
i don't know if this is at all relevant, but i guess what i was trying to say is that there such a feeling of powerlessness over therapy. (and no, i didn't mean to make light of the 12-steps or to compare your therapist to god! i hope it doesn't offend you or anyone else.) i just thought that maybe it would be helpful to look at it another way..