I remember when you were closer to when you started with him (i hope that makes sense,) that you were often worried about getting referred. But he would tell you time and time again that he was not going to refer you. He will not refer you because you got upset. He will not refer you because you got triggered. He knows that this is part of the work. He will not be angry with you.

That this fear of being referred has resurfaced, it makes me wonder what got triggered. I know this is a deep rooted fear for you. If what got triggered is something more related to what would get triggered when you were starting therapy. Maybe being worried about being referred is easier than being worried about facing what was triggered.

You can do this.