Hi Saphire, I'm brand new to Psych Central. I clicked on "avoidant" because I thought I might find common ground there. Well, in reading your post I found quite a bit of that. Up until age 19, I basically labeled myself as painfully shy. I now feel my problem around people is something more than that. My doctor has mentioned that I seem to have a lot of Cluster C Personality Disorder traits. Socially Avoidant would fall into that category.

You seem to write in a very forthcoming way about what you think is going on with you. You sound genuine. I will try to honor your honesty by replying in a manner more forthcoming than I would ordinarily attempt in a new setting.

Feeling physically flawed is very painful for a child. In my case, I had a dental malocclusion - specifically, an overbite. That doesn't sound so bad. The slang term is "buck teeth." When I would look in the mirror and hear that slang term in my head, I did feel very bad. I can't say I was treated horribly by either the children or adults in my world, growing up. Your description of your mother sounds kind of like my father. There were issues of his being overly controlling on everyone in the family. Still, I did love him. He was good to me in many ways.

Like you, I'm inclined to enjoy solitude more than most people I've known. Unfortunately, I have more of it than I would like. I'm lonely. Yet, I shrink back from venturing forth among people in a way that might remedy the loneliness. This is no minor problem. Mainly I've wanted to reply to your post to affirm that the problem you have is most likely having a huge impact on the quality of your life. And you did not choose to be this way. And you can't easily just choose to be different. I suspect that you may find that people have a hard time understanding that. Such has been my experience. Professional help is worth getting. I think, though, the professionals underestimate how painful this problem can be - and how it limits you and me.