Wow, Sannah. You stated exactly the way it is for me, much better than I could! I crave what I don't get from my H. He's solid, safe, and boring to me. The fantasy people who were always not available because they were married, not interested in me, or because I was married, were more exciting. My Ts replaced the last person I did that with. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

With Ts, you are supposed to get close and be real and that makes the connection intense and exciting. I risk the closeness to Ts and get rewarded. But it doesn't seem to transfer to RL. I risk a little with my H but his response is quizzical. I tried yesterday and it's like "what are you talking about?" It's kind of funny and sad at the same time.

So, Sannah, how did you manage to get your connection needs met at an appropriate level? I really, really want to know the secret!!!!

granite, I do have friends but don't feel that same connection.
Insight: I feel it on PC more!!! Is that because people here are in that "unavailable" category? Like Ts? You can connect, but it's safe so it can be more intense!

suratji, my H hates therapy!!! However, we've gone to various workshops and lectures, even privately, where we've been given lots of exercises and advice. We do it there, but never followed through. It's hard. I know what we need to do--spend time together connecting, but my H is analytical, like most men, not romantic or into feelings at all.