I feel lonely today, but also as if I am recouperating. Often, depression feels like the flu.
I am not working and I know that work would put me around more people.
But there are times when I have been working and suffering serious depression, and the people at work have made me feel alienated and alone despite being with them.
I know it is all in my head.
I know I will go back to work, but can't do it until I know I am strong enough to... not feel like it is sucking all of the life out of me.
I am trying to make a plan for today.
To buy some paints, tidy the house and to get to an Al Anon meeting.
Al Anon (12-step meetings) helps me feel less lonely.
Even there I have not yet been able to "socialize" when the meeting is over. It makes me feel odd, like I have nothing to say or will say the wrong thing. So I just bolt for the door.
When I was a kid I was often reprimanded for being a "social butterfly" and talking to my classmates instead of doing my work. I had so many friends.
Today I spend a lot of time alone (aside from being with my partner).
Life is strange.