from your previous replies to your thread: brings to mind of having an attitude of gratitude...even when others have more.

you mentioned you haven't been able to get a job for some time now. in my career i could read the body language of an applicant before they even shook my hand. are u expecting to get turned turned down that it gets in the way during the interview process? are you expecting to return to a job that qualifies you with your previous experience? r u willing to step down a notch or two to get your foot in the door?
perhaps you have done the positive things already. idk. but thought i use my expertise to ask you. no offense meant.

as for your lifelong struggles. i'm sorry you have never been able to move on to a happier place. more serene. it must take up a lot of your mental energy.
i agree with lynn too. doing volunteer work will help you help others. it usually comes back full circle.