Hey all,
Brand new to this...just looking for a little help.
I've been struggling with serious depression (suicidal thoughts at least weekly) coupled with "severe anxiety" for over a year now. I've tried many different anti-depressants as well as three different therapists.

I have taken a semester off of school (college) because my depression has interfered with my ability to function well at school. I left behind an RA position and good friends, and my sanctuary away from my family. I cannot seem to get a job, and I am drifting aimlessly.
I met a fantastic man a bit over a month ago, but the past week has been very rough between us, and I feel like it is my fault.

I haven't seen a therapist since November because I cannot afford it.

In addition to these issues, I have had recurring gastrointestinal problems, which make it difficult to eat or be comfortable in any way. It's getting to the point where I just want to take massive amounts of painkillers or sleeping pills so I can pass out and get away from the pain of my stomach.

Lately, my suicidal feelings have not been due to pain, but due to a complete lack of motivation for life. I don't want to live because I feel that I have nothing to live for. I talk myself out of it because I don't want to cause other people in my life pain...mainly my best friend and boyfriend. However, it gets increasingly difficult...I feel as though I cannot discuss my problems with them because I don't want to add additional stress to their lives.

I am simply seeking help. Opinions. Someone to talk to. I have no money for a therapist and I'm running out of medicine.

This is my one more chance.
Thank you.