Ok I will admit this. I have suspected for several years that the problems with intimacy come from his childhood. He hasn't spoken to any of his family members in over 20 years (he turns 40 next month), and goes to great lengths to make sure they can't track him down. When we moved to Oregon, we had our mail forwarded to a friend, who sent it to us - just so his family couldn't go to the post office and find our forwarding address. I've never met any of his family members, and none of them have met me or our daughter. I don't even think they know our daughter exists.

But he flat out refuses to tell me anything about his past - and swears to me up & down that he was never abused.

But what do I do with this? You don't just cut off ties for no reason. Something had to happen. Obviously there wasn't much love. If he loved his family, he wouldn't cut them off for 20 years.

So, maybe that's why he has problems with sex and intimacy. But he won't talk to anyone about it, so what can I do?

Is there a way to shut off my sex drive so I just don't think about it anymore? They have libido boosters, how about a libido killer. Yeah, right, like anyone would market that. Some of my meds are supposed to have negative effects on sex but I wouldn't even know, since we never do it.