Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina
Be careful girl. And quite frankly, I think you should stop.
January 2008 I started chatting with a man online. It was innocent at first. I never intended it to become anything. I talked about how I was extremely depressed, I thought my husband didn't love me, I wasn't doing a good job at work and I was a worthless accountant. We talked about politics (2008 election fever had already begun), and he actually WANTED to talk politics - my husband doesn't give a crap about politics. This guy was just really funny and fun to talk to.
Yeah, then it became personal. It turned into an online sexual affair (cybersex kind of crap, sharing photos, etc.)
He lived 5 hours away from me. I never thought we'd meet.
Yeah. Then I decided to book a CPA exam review course at a university that was about an hour away from him. With the sole intention that we could meet.
This affair lasted 6 months and almost ruined me. I ended it when I landed in the psych ward after a suicide attempt.
He still checked up on me a few times, he was actually geniunely worried about me because of what I did. We had developed some pretty strong feelings toward each other. But both of us were married, with a child the same age. And both of us were stuck in sexless marriages. (part of what we had in common...)
I can't even blame this affair on being manic, because it lasted so long. It was all me.
Don't do this to yourself. I know it seems innocent now, but before you know it will be out of control. Stop it now before it goes anywhere.
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Thanks, I appreciate you're insight.
I'll admit I'm not sure how to respond as this person and I have always been very open toward each other although we don't talk all that often now.
To be honest I feel very confused about how I feel about this person. I used to like him, but through our friendship I have learned that he uses his psychology know-how to seduce women so I don't feel I could trust any kind of attraction I would harbor for him so I have dismissed the idea. I have been hurt in relationships before so I wouldn't want to walk myself to the plank again, metaphorically.
Despite my frustration with not feeling that I'm getting the emotional support I need from my boyfriend I love him very much. I don't feel a desire to stray from him. He does buckle down and help me when I'm having a breakdown, but sometimes I want to analyze myself when I'm feeling sane too.
I just didn't feel like going to bed when I had an opportunity to have someone to talk to that would help me pick my own brain, I think.