If you get your moods under control, your life will be much better. Whether or not you get back with this man or move on to a different, better relationship, you need to get treatment for your disorder.

It's expensive without insurance, though.

Are you low-income? Could you apply for Medicaid? I believe they have mental health services.

Call your local county mental health service (if there is one) and ask about programs for low or moderate income people. Many docs/etc. offer services on a sliding scale. My therapist did, just because she's not on my insurance network and I have a LOT of debt. I'm not low-income, just high-debt. You could find a pdoc and/or therapist that will work with you, if you try.

For the medications, ask for free samples - I've been getting free samples for one of my meds for over a year. And if you can't get samples, be frank with your doc that you need the cheapest medication that will work for your case. They might start with something like Lithium, which where I live is $13 bucks retail price. If it works for you, that would be great. And maybe Risperdal, which is on the $4 generic list at major pharmacies.

There are also prescription assistance programs for people without insurance. Google "prescription assistance" and you'll find plenty. It does take time to apply for them all, but you could even get all your meds for FREE if you qualify. It's worth the time.

If you're Bipolar, talking about it might help....but it's not going to fix everything. You need medications, and therapy if you can access it.

Good luck.