I am physically disabled from a disease called RSD & constantly in horrible pain & have alot of mobilit problems, etc....lots of nasty symptoms. Take 17 meds a day. I just got out of a psych hospital a few weeks ago for depression & suicidal thoughts from bipolar disorder. Saw my therapist today. Presently, I am in a "mixed state with psychosis". I've been really depressed, isolating very bad, & not taking care of myself at all. At the same time, my mind is racing like when I am manic, just with bad thoughts instead of being super happy, wanting to do everything, talk to everyone. This is horribly embarrasing to admit, but I have been hearing voices & sounds since the hospital. I talked to my therapist about it today & she was very concerned. In the past, I have briefly heard voices when I was in the psych hospital two separate times. I blew it off as temporary side effects from med changes & stress & it went away. During this recent hospitalization, I hallucinated several times in the last day and a half I was there. Problem is, it is still happening. They played around with the dosages, but didn't add any new meds. These stupid meds are making me steadily gain soooo much weight. I am over 50 lbs. overweight, which doesn't do much for my self-esteem & dieting does nothing. The voices I am hearing are telling me bad things about myself....different than just thoughts. Hard to describe. Also, I hear random noises that are out of place. I will casually ask my mom, did you hear that? When she says no, I just blow it off & say oh, nevermind. It's hard for me to know if it is real or not. I don't want my family or friends to know. Since I got out the hospital, I told my friends to leave me alone bc I just don't wanna talk to anyone right now. I really have nothing to say, especially thats positive. Told them I'd call them when I was ready. I've been hospitalized so many times, they have gotta be sick of hearing about it. Two of my best friends & my ex-boyfriend wanted to visit in the hospital, but I told them no. Was just too embarrased that this was happening again!!! I've lost count of my psych hospitalizations.....maybe 7 or 8 times in the last 10 or so years. My mom came there twice to bring me clothes, not to talk. Anyways, I just feel so unstable & embarrased right now. I trust y'all with this "top secret" info. My therapist said they'd probably have to put me on Haldol. Hopefully if I do need to take it, it can be taken asa needed and not daily. Just emailed my psych doc that writes my meds to see what she wants to do. This is just the last thing I need right now. Most of my close friends have young children. If they find out, they won't want me around, especially around their children, which is understandable. This really sucks!!! I have lost everything since I became disabled!!! Just when you think things can't get any worse.......