Firstly, welcome to PC.

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yes i od regular yes its lethal but its becoming normal to me

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I find this quote interesting...

I think part of you still knows that regular od'ing isn't normal, and that at one time you wouldn't have thought it was normal at all? Skewed thinking is a part of the vicious cycle of SI, which it sounds to me you are currently in. Small, shallow cuts, leads to 'normalacy' of those, skewed thinking says if that's normal you need bigger, deeper cuts...and so begins the cycle. I'm very glad you are going to start seeing a psychiatrist. Best of luck with that, hope they help with whatever you need help with.