hi chance. welcome to pc. i'm glad you found us. you will find great support here so post as often as you need to to get these feelings out. depression is very difficult. i have it too. lots of wise replies for you at this thread. try to exercise some even if just brisk walking. it will help your depression. depression does lie. it causes us to feel doom and gloom, numb, and with no hope. there is a rainbow at the other end. can you see your doc to talk about this with? it does sound like anti-depressants would help. and discuss your sui...thoughts too. don't be discouraged. every one of us had to try some until we found the one that works for us. it will lessen your anxiety too. please try to see your doc about your gastrointestimal problems too.
as for sui...you can call a crisis hotline. they can help and refer you too. just hang in there. help is on it's way.