I know my credentials doesn't give me a "right" to diagnose, but I'm just trying to make you see that although I'm not officially diagnosed, the fact that I have this disorder is so clear cut. I have 8/9 of the DSM IV-TR diagnostic criterias (and they are in a way that impairs functioning, not in the "normal" range) when only 5 of them leads to a diagnosis.

Its easier for him to talk about it once its happened, but he still can't relate. Personally, I feel like I have the internal dialogue, but I can't bring myself to say things out loud. I don't know if "afraid" is the right word for it. I feel like its self-incrimination if I tell him it was my fault (even if it was, and I know it was). This sounds terrible, but I feel like, if he hasn't figured out it was my fault yet, why should I "hurt" myself and let him know - because then he has more reason to hate ME. I know it doesn't help us communicate thinking that way, but its the truth. I just can't seem to open my mouth and say things that I probably should.