I have been posting a lot about my dad lately. Maybe because I am so confused. He is pulling away from me now even more than ever. I think he thinks I'm angry with him. And in a way he's right. But he is also terrible at communicating and his drinking only makes it worse. My cousin's birthday is coming up so I sent an e-mail to him asking for the cousin's address (to send a card). He send back the address and a note telling me how this cousin is about to get his PhD and just how great that is. It doesn't help that I was just online checking out another low-paying job. (No, no PhD or grad school for me). I know my dad probably doesn't mean it as an afront to me. It's just when there's hardly any communication, or I get cut off while I'm talking or put down for something small... then this about how awesome my cousin is.
The small things... they just build up.
My dad said he would call me on my birthday. Did he? No.
He did send a card, so... why do I care?
I know he isn't really the problem. I just need to let this all go.
Why is it so hard?
I get madder and madder but I know I have to try and let go.
He's not going to change. I am the one who really needs to change.
I need to just stop letting the little stuff get to me. And with him it's all little stuff.