Joy1010, I have to say that you have to be a caring and concerned mother to post this. . .. that's not to disregard your daughter's feelings because I know that they are probably different than yours. The strange and awful thing about BPD is that the person suffering from the disorder doesn't see or experience the world in the same way that "normal" people do. Your daughter probably sees herself as terribly abused and abandoned. This is a terribly lonely and distressing to be, even if the people who love and care for you don't see things the same way and tell you that they love and care for you. Your disorder makes you question that continuously! It's about the person's perception of how they FEEL and SEE things. . . I know that's hard when you see yourself as being supportive and caring. Your daughter just isn't able to see the world in the same way you are. It's sometimes helpful to do family therapy because finding out how each person feels and sees in a family is so Of couse, I'm sure you'll be able to grasp that a lot easier than your daughter. She will definitey struggle with that concept, but if she is able to eventually grasp it, she will make so many gains!

It's so important to view or see the world in multiple ways and most humans struggle with that--we all want everyone to see the world from OUR perspective! You want your daughter to see it from your perspective and she is desperate for you and her father to see it from HER perspective. Good, skillful family therapy will help all members to see it from all perspectives and work toward a compromise.

What is important is that you have stayed constant . . . you KNOW that you are her mother and you have a place in her life. I get that your daughter only sees you as having a place in HER life if you do as she wants. Sadly, that's a way of thinking that is quite common in all mental illnesses . . . not just BPD. Don't give up. Stay consistent and set your limits. You did that so well when you told her that you'd call 911 if she continued to physically threaten you.

There are several things make your daughter's illness very "suspect" of being BPD. They are: her attempts to make you do as she asks due to her anger and acting-out behavior (ie. "Buy me a new clothes or you'll be sorry and I'll hurt you!" It's not something seen in all people with BPD, but impulsivity and acting out anger is pretty typical in the "acting out" person with Borderline Personality Disorder. Her impulsivity, suicidal behavior, substance abuse (used to dampen down or SOOTHE her feelings and pain--people who are BPD don't know how to soothe themselves when upset or angry. They go from zero to 100 in no time at all and then when other people begin to calm down and head down to zero, the BPD person STAYS at 90 or 100 for a longer period of time), BPD people have interpersonal difficulties and they have intermittent psychotic behavior which tell the clinicians that BPD is probably the correct diagnosis. It doesn't sound like the diagnosis of your daughter was quick. She's had some interventions and most definitely has psychiatric/psychological records.

Most clinicians shy away from the diagnosis of BPD because of the stigma involved, but if there is a history of difficulties they are now more apt to state the diagnosis. In fact, more and more clinicians are diagnosing adolesence with the disorder than several years ago. They feel that if they give the diagnosis, the teen will get the RIGHT treatment and go on to a relatively healthy adulthood. I'm inclined to agree, but that is my own biase! Some of that is good (if you know the "enemy" you can marshal your defenses and march against it) and some of it isn't good (insurance companies view personality disorders as "incurable" or too labor intensive. They can refuse coverage in some instances. Some insurance companies can refuse "partial hospitalization programs", most of which include DBT, the most research proven method of improvement in BPD symptoms.

Sadly, most out patient or in the community therapist aren't willing to take the time and money (BIG MONEY TO GET TRAINED!!!!) to treat this disorder .. . a disorder that is THE MOST COMMON MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE IN THE US!!! Wow, that makes a person say, what the heck is going on! Luckily, more and more dedicated and intelligent therapist's and reseachers are taking this issue on and doing a lot of studies.

There are a lot of books on BPD. My favorites: Jeffory Youngs Schema Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder, Marsha Linehan's book on BPD and her accompanying workbook (if there is a therapist near by who does DBT, run, don't walk to get your daughter to enroll, Another two books by two women who have and continue to deal with BPD: GET ME OUT OF HERE (can't remember the author's name) and THE BUDDHA AND THE BORDERLINE BY Kiera VAn Gelder, Mentalization based Therapy by Anthony Bateman (very clincal) and Transferance Focused Therapy For Borderline Personality Disorder (also VERY clincially based!!!!!).

Good luck and I so repect you as a mom for sticking with your daughter!