((((((((((((WePow)))))))))))))

I JUST read something about psychotherapy with people who have been through trauma, and about the fact that we almost fight against the safety. It's so unfamiliar, and it's hard and scary to trust it. I know that learning to let T love me was a slow slow slow slow process, and I fought back A LOT. I grew up wanting to be loved, and just when I would think I had a taste of it, I would be tricked, or hurt, or abandoned, or abused. Now that I AM loved, I'm waiting for those other things to happen, and they are scary and they hurt. Not allowing myself to be loved is safer.

Sometimes I think we need to put our walls back up for a minute to get our bearings...and then as we find out that yes, we're really safe, we can start taking them down again, more quickly this time. Up and down, up and down. I don't know about you, but I know that I am able to leave my wall down for a little longer each time.

What you are feeling is important. Honor it, talk to T about it, and know that you will find your way through it.