(((((((((((((lovelygirl))))))))))))))

Thank you for the update

My T and I were talking yesterday about "blank slate" therapists. He said that to him, it's so important for therapists to own their part in the things that happen in session, that it's not realistic to call it all 'transference' or put it all on the client or whatever.

I actually said something super mean to my T this week in an e-mail. I went on and on about how scared I was and how my feelings were so hurt and ended with: "Nice 'corrective emotional experience'". Which was such a low blow to T and totally undermined his work and our work together. And he was angry.

But. He described how his initial reaction was anger, but that he was able to get curious about what was going on, and that he wanted to find out and talk and work together on repairing and reconnecting.

By the time I saw him, he wasn't angry, and I was able to tell him what had happened, and he was able to hear me and understand. We didn't even talk about his anger that day, but we did talk about it the next day. I get why he felt angry, and I'm glad in a way that he had a normal human reaction, and I'm VERY glad that he was honest with me about it...AND I'm grateful that he was able to set it aside to help me, and we were able to talk honestly about the whole thing later, after we had worked on reconnecting. I apologized for being mean in my e-mail. I've never been mean to T before, and I felt really bad. And he forgave me, and I forgave him, and we are moving forward.

If I had walked in and been verbally "spanked", the whole thing would have felt so different. Like you, there would have been so much shame and fear. In my opinion, therapy is a place to learn different reactions and behaviors, and we can do that without ever being shamed or punished.

I'm so glad you were able to talk to your Old T, and that you have such a mature and empowering plan for moving forward next time you see New T. Good for you

Many hugs to you!