That's tough...
Maybe you could talk to another psychiatrist and tell them you currently take the xanax (not all of them are against it) on the phone. Not to be blunt but it might be easier to find a doctor who will prescribe it if you can prove that you are not one of the people who will pop it every 5 minutes and are not trying to switch doctors to get it? Lol.. I feel like they are so touchy about that.

For talking to the current pdoc; I don't think psychiatrists go as deep as therapists by habit, it kind of sucks that he is not listening to your perceptions, but the upside is they tend to be less rigid if you specifically ask for what kind of medication upgrade you need. I agree with Perna, the best thing would be to go in with a pre-formed plan of what you want and ask for it specifically. As in, more of this symptom, so more of this kind of medication. If no... oh well, you didn't fail- there's only so much you can do on that front!!!