Quote:
Originally Posted by madisgram
distressed, sounds like you attempted to set boundaries again in this situation. imho, my thoughts-your family ropes you in all the time. it makes you the fall guy. scapegoat most or all times. due to the extreme disfunction that manifests itself when you do try to help or asked for your opinion, the best suggestion i can give is stay out of it period. it'll frustrate them cause there's a "game" going on in your family, but you can do this. after reading your threads before, distressed, your responding at all is a no win situation. if they don't respect the boundaries you set, get in the car and leave. u can just say oh i have to do so and so, be back in an hour, etc. or say nothing at all. just take your car keys and exit. you may have to do this often but it takes you out of the "arena". obviously your healthy attempts to go into another room in the house doesn't work. regardless of their mud slinging cause you're leaving the house, just do it. i so wish you could move and gain some serenity in your life. right now you're living in a hornet's nest. could you move?
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Hi madisgram,
Thanks for the detailed explanation. That is what I was thinking as well, staying out of situations completely now. Its just that eventhough I'm in this dysfunctional mess, I do care lots about my mom and dad, eventhough my dads been very controlling and abusive all throughout and my mom very critical and wanting me to change to what she wants of me (which would be a whole character change on my part).
Like yesterday, I told her I find her brother manipulative. And her response was "you should be ashamed of yourself, he helps you SO MUCH!". Yes, he does. I agree. But he's different behind my mom's back. Also, there are many reasons people help, one they care about you, two they want to manipulate you, three they want to look good/attention. Whatever he does do, I have to beg literally 30 times to get it done. I may be sounding unthankful, I'm not. Its just that by the time the thing gets done, I'm frustrated like crazy chasing him. But I also don't have anyone else to help me so I deal with it.
So, when I see her stressed, I get stressed because I want her to be happy. Same with my dad. But after trying so hard repeatedly, I'm thinking I should stay out of things. Sometimes I tell her I don't want to discuss some of her problems (like over-complaining over minute things), and she flips out on that and gets offended. But i'm gonna try staying detached now.
Anyhoo,
I will try the "leave the house" technique whenever I can (like at non-night hours).
thankyou!!
smiles
and hugs!!
