It seems you are in a hard time... but it can make you stronger, either in a good way, or a bad way... You know what will happen if someone finds out, but guess what... it is something that is stopping you from doing what you feel you "need" to do.

You really don't need to do anything, but it is a desire that you have, from the dangerous addiction of SI... nothing more, nothing less. But there is a reason behind it, find it, challenge it, and get past this. It is possible, It will be hard, but if it wasn't hard, we could not learn from anything...

Posting here really helps, where others can see and offer advice from their own lives.

You can do this, you can let the urges GO!! and become yourself again.