I was at my counseling session today, and we were talking about stuff, and about how I have a lot of ups and downs, and while they were there before I was on medication, all the SSRIs I've recently been on have greatly exacerbated this...and we were talking about this week and how I was all go-go-go, not sleeping but not tired, irritable etc...until last night when I quick-flipped and crashed. And my counselor also mentioned how after the last time we met she had been thinking about things...and she thinks that I may be bipolar.

At first I was kind of like, yeah, whatever...but now that I've had some time for it to sink in, I'm honestly pretty upset. I know that I have no real reason to be upset...bipolar doesn't equal crazy, I'm already in therapy, and have been on meds...but bipolar is much more severe than my previous diagnoses of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and OCD. I think part of the reason I'm so upset is that I don't want to tell my parents. I know that they'll brush it off, say it couldn't possibly be true and that I'm overreacting. This will lead to a fight, and I'm in no mood for that at all right now.

It's interesting too though, because my friend said to me not too long ago that he thinks I'm bipolar (apparently he's noticed my mood swings...but he is bipolar himself, so it might be something that he's more in tune with than most)...when he said that, I didn't care and was just like, okay, whatever...but now that a professional has said the same thing, I;m thinking that maybe there's truth in it.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist scheduled for April 15th which is pretty far away, and actually, was only to try and get sorted out some meds for my anxiety...but now I guess there's this to talk about as well. I'm not sure if I should try and find someone who I could see sooner though. It would obviously be good, but the guy I have an appointment with is very highly recommended by everyone at my school, and by my friend (he's the one who gave me the name and number in the first place actually)...

Ugh.

I just don't even want to deal with any of this!