Thank you for your reply, even one reply, makes me feel better. I talked with a friend about what i was feeling, and i feel a bit better now, not 100% but a little more confident in myself than i once was. He pointed me to this quote.

"In life one must choose between boredom and suffering."

Madam de Stael

I think that maybe i often choose suffering because I am afraid of that quiet in my life. Im naturally an anxious person, i worry about everything, if there is nothing to worry about, i make something to worry about. Its clearly a trait ive gotten from my grandmother, but I hope, in time, to understand that a little quiet is good for the mind, body and soul. Thank you for your words, i deeply appreciate them.

Emo