I haven't posted here in a long time but this thread interested me.

I think the answer is probably two-fold - yes and no (but for the most part, no).

Firstly, and this is stating the obvious, having BPD is not a critical nor necessary factor in doing something like that (!). Rather a person has to be feeling a good deal of anger and malice to do such a thing, and while people with BPD might have strong feelings, including feeling angry, they are NOT bad people (or at least no worse than anyone else) and they are not necessarily full of malice.

What probably is the case is that you have a person who, for whatever reason (jealousy perhaps), felt malicious and wanted to hurt you. When you let her cut your hair she realised this presented an opportunity. The thought came to mind of cutting more off than you'd asked for. It can be that in that moment she was so consumed by that feeling of malice and the desire to act on her fantasy to cut off your hair that she did not hold back.

And it is exactly that aspect that could be BPD-related - the not holding back - having a feeling that is so strong that one acts upon it impulsively without restraint. So, I think it's very important to separate two things - firstly the intentions and secondly the process through which those intentions are acted upon. People with BPD are not bad, they have difficulties regulating their emotions (research points to the limbic system - a part of the brain that regulates and processes emotion). In the same sense a person might feel very angry toward himself and have the desire to hurt himself. The lack of emotional regulation and impulse control associated with BPD could then lead to an act of self-harm.

This pattern of emotion disregulation combined with certain strong emotions could indeed lead to a pattern of hurting others - but just as often it could result in a person hurting herself. Either way, having BPD does not make it 'ok' or even excuse it - the same set of moral standards apply to those with BPD as those who don't have this label.

So, don't blame it on the BPD. What she did was malicious. I wouldn't actually advise bringing it up again with her. It's long ago and your hair has grown back. Don't get her to cut your hair again (!) and if this whole event is still haunting you then I'd find a good friend to talk to about it or a professional - it seems to me that this incident is one of many surrounding your hair that has caused you pain. Perhaps it serves as a symbol of all that hurt and that's why it's still so poignant for you.

Personally I think 'big' hair is great - I've got boring straight flat hair and would love to have a fuller head of frizzy hair.

Onzi