I don't feel like I deserve to have my T like me. I feel like she should hate me. I know she will tell me that is wrong. (not in those words). But I really feel like it. I feel like she would be better off helping someone else. That I should just climb back under the rock I came out from (if I can find it). I wish she would just hate me. It would be so much easier to deal with. To not have to care what she thinks.

I'm sorry. I know I'm totally screwed up right now. I can't even explain how it feels.

I wish I could just disappear.