Oh, PG, please do not add to your worries about being a better supporter. We all take turns here 'whining' although I don't think that's the appropriate word. We suffer and we reach out. And, of course, we're going to keep dwelling on something that hurts so badly. And, from personal experience, I know that stuffing the emotions does not lead to healing. Continue on - it's exploring one of those 'rooms in the castle'.