Quote:
Originally Posted by Squiggle328
This part of the abuse would be really hard for a 10 year old to take in. Am I remembering it now as an adult, because the 10 year old could not handle it? Or am I making this part up? It feels like I am having flashbacks, but are they real?
When I think about it, I get very emotional and start crying. Yet I still feel like, "What are you crying about?" The tears are coming, but I question WHY they are there. I do not feel the connection between the tears and what I am thinking about the abuse. It feels like they are separated, yet somehow go together?
It makes me feel like there is more to my story than I am allowing myself to remember. But what does that matter now? How is that going to help me in therapy? How is revisting this area of my life going to help me now?
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((((((((Squiggle)))))))))
I know the thought of this is excruciating, because you're coming back to something so important in your early life and you want to make sense of it--wouldn't any of us? I wonder if you might be able to sort of "reserve judgment" on the accuracy of the details, just for the moment, and stay with the feelings that are coming up? Having been through this process myself, I might only suggest that staying true to those feelings and impressions--even if you don't "know" the details for sure--is vital to your recovery.
In terms of, can this really help me now? I think that is a good question to explore with your T, depending on where you are in your life. If you're struggling and clearly affected by early stuff, taking the plunge might turn out to be really helpful. But if you have a lot on your plate in your present-day life and a more straightforward, supportive psychotherapy makes sense at this particular moment for you, that's important to discuss as well.
Please don't hesitate to PM me if you want to talk further...I'm here.
LG