As someone new, I feel timid . . . like I don't want to bother people. Caregiving has been a big part of my life. It is much harder for me to be in the position of needing to be cared for or about. But, I am alone and I am severely depressed. I am doing all the responsible things like getting out-patient care at the local public psych facility, taking the meds, seeing the counselor.

I am shy and don't have a network of friends and family to turn to. Actually, there are persons connected to me that I have come through for when their need was deep. They are not here for me now . . . not like I was for them. My heart is broken. I am trying to recover, as I have in the past. My diagnosis of depression is an old one. Until this past year, I worked and functioned. I used to be able to fight back to reasonable recovery. I loved an alcoholic. I loved him from the skids to his current long standing recovery. I gave everything I had to give when no one else cared about him. I've cared about family members in serious trouble. I've helped some get out of jail. I am hearing nothing now from them. It seems I am now so depleted. This has been months of severe depression with occasional short intervals when it seemed I was getting better. But I am not sustaining improvement for long. I keep sliding back to a very low level. My neighbors, who are decent folk, are getting spooked seeing my blinds closed all day. I know all members have their own problems. I wouldn't ask for help if I were not in such bad shape.

I know I must get out and involved in healthy activity. I am truly trying. I am dragging myself to places . . . to activities . . . to be around people. I need to tell somebody things that I can not talk about too much at these places. I need contact with others who have been where I am at.