feel for u deeply, i know somewhat how ur feeling.
Amoungst all these people u have helped, and all that you know
Could u bear telling them outright that u need some friendship and support?
I know it goes against all that is in ur nature but if u did it quickly without mulling over it first , could it happen?
I hope that something changes for you.
You are taking the right steps.
Keep posting.
We are here to support u.