Remember, a 10 year old's impression of sex would not be a "true"/adult view. You did not make it up but the words and images you have are those of a "foreigner" who does not understand the culture!

My mother died when I was 3, was sick all her life and my father remarried when I was 5. I "merged" my two mothers and spent 2-3 years of my therapy just on un-merging them, that one task. I remember when my T pointed out how "jumbled" my memories of the time was (the six months before my mother died, the year after she died, the four or five months he was dating my stepmother and then "we" got married (it took a really long time for me to not think/feel about my father marrying my stepmother that way, as "we" getting married)).

To unravel a problem so it can be reknit better, you have to go to the age where it took place and "be" that person again with those thoughts, feelings, viewpoint. The further back that is, the more tattered the yarn gets from the unraveling, like when you drop a stitch in knitting/crochet and have to go back and pick it up.