I'm so sorry you are in so much pain right now. I've been where you have been. I had to watch my mom die from cancer day in and day out. I stayed with her pretty much until the end. I was with her every waking moment that I had as soon as I found out her cancer was terminal. I hated seeing her in such a state of helplessness since she was always the strong, independent one.

If you need someone to talk to more about this, or about anything else, I'm here for you.