I went to see my therapist today. We talked about a lot of things. My new homework is to make a running tally of every time I mentally beat myself up during the day. She says I run myself down all the time and my negative thoughts will not let me hear anything good about me. I have to first recognize that I do this, then I can start to alter it. Right now I am trying to be conscious of what I say to myself. The next step is to come up with one good thing I like about me every time say something negative. I also have to forgive me for being abused as a child and keep telling myself it was not my fault. Maybe if I keep saying it I will someday believe it.
I still don't care if I live or die but right now I am not going to do anything to hurt myself now. I just get so down I can't see which way is up. I don't know if any of this will work, but I keep trying what she suggest.
ConfusedOne11