Been asleep most of the day. Just feel like not doing much. I decided that I'm not going to take any of my meds today. Don't ask me to take them. i've really decided that I can skip a day. Don't feel like getting back up later to take them. I came on here to see if anyone was around. But it's quiet here like it always is. No one is in the chat rooms. But that is normal around here for some reason.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to myself or the air when I do a tread. Just doesn't feel like it's real to me. Guess that's why I don't do very many. I'm talking to myself or the computer. Not people. Sorry, don't mean to offend anyone. Sometimes this posting thing doesn't seem to be real. It's my problem I have with reality. If people don't respond right away like in a chat I can't tell if they are real or not. It could be one of my others saying they are someone else. It really confuses my sense of reality. My sense of reality isn't with me very often anymore. Seems to be the first thing to go for me. If I can touch or smell something it's real. When I type something that sits on the internet it doesn't seem real.

After I lose my sense of reality the next thing I know is I become paranoid. And then I become really bad. Then I get really paranoid about my treads or post never leaving. Always being here for anyone to look at. And then I'm terrified to post or reply to any tread. Feel like people will use my post against me, or that someone will laugh at me. That's the hardest. Feeling laughed at or that people talk about me. I know in my head they don't. But when I get paranoid the reality of things aren't real in my head. Things get really confused.

So as of now, I'm tired, feel paranoid and I'm not in my normal scope of reality. Please forgive me. Too much is going on and I don't feel real. And you all don't feel real to me right now.

Monty