Lexicon,

It is amazing how vivid those memories are of what the suffering they went through is like. I just can't get it out of my head....& knowing that her mind was gone but no one else would acknowledge it.

It is so sad watching minute by minute the realization of what they are going through. I guess the only thing that I may feel good about is that I don't think she even knew that the cancer had spread because her mind was so full of cancer that she couldn't comprehend what was happening to her. I only wish that everyone had been wise enough to have the hospice care long before the 5 days before she died. She & I both needed that support & it just wasn't there.

I just can't keep the tears away & am having such a rough time. I feel like I should be strong enough to handle this......I have always been the strong one that takes care of everything.....only now I am falling appart & feel so out of control I don't know what to do other than let my pdoc do what he thinks is best for me.

I always have to be in control of myself & it isn't easy to let someone else determine what I need to do. But I am feeling more & more helpless, just wanting someone to make the decisions in my life because my mind is no longer thinking rationally.

It sure does seem like we have gone through similar experiences & feelings that continue to hurt us......It you would like to PM me, I would appreciate hearing about others experiences & how you are trying to handle what you are now feeling. I know how hard it is for me, I am sure it is very hard for you too.

Take care & PM me when you feel like it......I know talking about it seems to bring back all the horible memories.....hopefully some day it will not be as bad.

Thank you,
Debbie