thanks again karebear. You are right I havent felt feelings in a really long time. I will be ok tonight I am at work. I will call her when I get off later this morning. I just wish I wasnt in SOOOOO much pain right now. I promised myself when I decided to start T over a year ago that I wouldnt do anything to myself no matter how much pain I was in until I got to talk to T. So thats what I did despite how hard it was to keep myself safe in soooo much pain but I did and will continue to until I get to talk to T later this morning. thanks for your care and concern I greatly appreciate it.