Hi Happycheeks.
Haven't bumped into you on the boards yet, but am glad I stumbled across this thread now.

You really sound like you are in a bad place. First step is to realise that there is help, and that you can feel better; you deserve to be happy.
Now you need to know that you can reach out to people for help. A T is the most useful right now, but do you have a close friend alternatively?
Posting here has also been a great step forward. You are already reaching out to us.

People do care for you. You are not scum, not ugly, and life is not crap. Maybe you are in a place right now where you feel this way, but it will pass.

Please keep yourself safe. If you are feeling suicidal, please tell someone or take yourself to the ER - please!
There are underlying issues that are making you feel this way - these can be overcome and you can find happiness again. Therapy and medication (In some instances) are invaluable for you to heal.
I have come from the depths of depression, with a suicide attempt, to where I am now. Not always happy, and still sensitive, but a lot more stable and able to lead a productive life (Mostly).

For now, please keep yourself safe. Distract yourself and focus on the small things that fulfil you and make you happy. Hang out with some positive friends, read a book, watch some TV, go for a walk outside...

I'm thinking of you - please know you are not alone; you can PM me if you want to talk further.
Otherwise know that there are plenty caring people here, that will support you through anything that you may be going through