My whole life I have covered up things that made me sad. My family called me fat at a young age. I pretended it didn't bother me, but it was eating me up inside. I have tried to lose weight but nothing ever happens. I have worked out in the gym 5 days a week for 2 years while eating nothing but Weight Watchers and it go me no where. I'm still over weight and my family makes sure they tell me everytime they see me. I try to keep my distance from them because now everything is coming to a head. I can't take it anymore. I can't pretend like things don't bother me. I have often wondered if suicide is the answer. Then I look at my children and can't bear the thought of them growing up without a mother. In 2009 I suffered a brain hemorrhage that nearly cost me my life. My blood pressure was 201/112 and my heart started to give out, my brain was bleeding and sweeling. After months of physical therapy to learn to walk and read again I founf out that my memory had been affected. Years of college went out the window. I can't remember any thing I learned in 11 years of going to college. My job quit me. They thought I was going to die so instead of waiting to see if I recovered they fired me. Which sucked because I was no longer eligible for disability insurance through them. So now I'm jobless and broke with 4 kids and struggling every step of the way. I have tried to find another job, but one they find out why I was fired I don't get hired. I'm at a loss. I can't do anything for myself or my kids.