I am not so well today. I felt the heavieness coming on last night. I did about 15 minutes of focused breathing and it easied some of the tension for a while. I did some again before bed and it helped me sleep. This morning it was present again but I couldn't settle my feelings enough to sit for very long.

It all got magnified when I couldn't sort out what to do about a schduling conflict. I tried to let it go for awhile but it kept dogging at me. I pulls me down when I can't sort out simple things. It causes me to grieve my former self who could problemsolve most anything and make decisions quickly while multi-tasking a half a dozen other things at the same time.

I know I should go for a walk so i can re-energize a little and get out of this pity party mode but I just don't have it in me today. I am at least returning to my breath continuously just to prevent a full on anxiety attack but it isn't helping with the spiralling down.

It crossed my mind last night when I first noticed the feelings of depression moving in that maybe I was enjoying myself too much in the garden and the joy I felt set off some mania. Maybe that makes no sense but I couldn't help wonder.

The phone just rang in the middle of this post and I had to race from my room to my office because my son didn't put the wireless back in my room. I just snapped at him about it and slammed my door when I returned to my room. Great... no I get to carry the guilt of loosing my cool over something so not worthy of such a response.

Anyways... it is what it is and this too shall pass. For now I am snuggled into my pity party with no energy to get out. I am going to give in to the urge to nap or at lease escape any more stimulation.

Oh great!! The neighbour is pounding away at something and even with my window closed the sound of a heavy hammer on a metal post is sending me into orbit. If it isn't one thing it is another. So much for a restful nap.

Sorry for dumping. I only intended to check in before laying down for a while. Maybe I can mask the sound of the hammer with an old movie on tv.

Wishing you well and continued growth. Be well.