Oh Junerain, been there done that. Kids I lived in and looked after were as much a part of me as my arms. I was with one family for 10 years, from babysitting to living in..... I left them on the east coast 33 years ago and still feel the loss as acutely as it happened yesterday. Wonder who they grew up to be, etc etc etc.
The good news is, somebody else has kids who need you too.
I hope this loss opens a door to something better for you .