My husband and I are basically in a sexless marriage (definition: less than 10 times per year). We went an entire year without sex from December 2009-December 2010. We've previously had dry spells of 9 months or so. Even when things seemed good, it would happen maybe once a month.

The first 2 years we were together, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. But it's been downhill ever since.

So anyway, Sunday night it finally happened. And I couldn't be happier, but...well, I wish I could have made it better. Both of us just kind of seemed like we didn't know what the hell we were doing.

And after reading so many books on why a man has no desire, one of the reasons they give is that sex is not exciting/adventurous enough. And that night was a great example of boring sex. So why would he want any more?

I want to do more advenuturous things but in the moment, it just doesn't happen.

How do I fix this?