Erotic feelings, a crush on your therapist, erotic dreams, feeling like you're in love with your T-- these are all normal, and a good T will be willing to discuss it with you. It sounds like your T is ready to do this, and you're dreading it! Which I totally get! (Been there, done that)

I got a lot of support around this on the Romantic Feelings Toward My Therapist section of this site, BTW. What you may encounter over there is an ongoing discussion about whether or not to call the thing transference.

Some people feel the term is pseudo-scientific, imprecise. Others think it's too cold, that it minimizes your feelings.

I heard over and over again, "Transference is just a fancy word for being in love."

Maybe so!

If transference means that we project unfulfilled needs and longings onto another person, then transference is something that infuses most of our relationships in the "real" world. So it's something the mind just does apparently. No shame, no blame!

The therapeutic encounter is uniquely apt to create this transference stuff I think. Often a therapist is seeking to create exactly this response, on the assumption that it's a critical part of the work. So the therapist guards his or her identity, remains opaque, so that the transference can "take" more or less effortlessly. And then the two of you get to explore together what your feelings mean.

Of course, it's not a game or an academic exercise. That's why therapy is so potentially dangerous. It's painful to be obsessed with your therapist. It's a terrible thing to have your primary relationship be with a person who can't return your affection. The situation is fraught with emotional danger. What's being created, essentially, is a situation where you become a lover whose feelings are not requited. And it's supposed to be that way. And it hurts like hell.

At one point I got really angry with my T for not doing more to help me fall out of love with him. He kept saying, with a sort of exasperated sigh, "Relax, it's part of the process." But he wasn't going through it! He didn't feel my pain! I told him I felt like I was on a conveyor belt, like a cow on the track to slaughter. I said, "It's a humane form of slaughter, maybe, but it IS slaughter." That's how it feels!

So you're right to be wary.

My therapist didn't like the term transference, but I used it as a handy short-cut in session. It sounds scientific, so it takes some of the humiliation out of it when you refer to it. It was so embarassing to describe my erotic fantasies around my T, to him. But he thought it was important to do that.

Sorry this was so rambly. Good luck, and trust your T!