Hi, onelessbp...it's good that you have stopped by here to visit. There are lots of caring people who will listen to you and offer you support.

It really sounds like you do have a lot on your plate...you say you have been Dx'd bipoar, but you are no longer taking your medications. It sounds like you were on quite a few...that can be very overwhelming, never feeling right.

Have you seen a doctor for your condition recently? I am worried about you from reading your posts this morning. You sound like your thoughts are all jumbled together, like maybe you are feeling pretty manic? I apologize for being direct, but you need to take care of yourself first before you can address any of the other problems you mention.

It is quite common, normal, even for bipolar to run in families...my ex-wife's family is, I believe, close to 100% BP. They have put each other through a lot over the years. You have to understand that it is the disease that causes the behaviors. Their behaviors, in turn, trigger yours, and so on. Trust me, I watched it for years, I know how frustrating it can be when the ones who are supposed to love you most seem to turn on you and want to hurt you. You really just have to stop playing the games. I heard my ex say it over and over to their faces, "I'm not playing this game anymore". It took a while, but I think they have calmed down a bit.

You need to seek counseling not only for bipolar but also the feelings that stem from the abuse you have suffered. You need to get back in treatment for your bipolar. I know it seems unlikely, but my ex and my kids and I have all made significant progress over the past year or so. You can too, but you can't do it alone. And you don't have to! You have lots of friends here who care about you!

DJ