For me the realization came when I was journaling on specific traits of what I want in a partner. So much of my "junk" would get in the way of them being who I wanted them to be! For example I want someone who appreciates things like art and opera but with my depression and anxiety I can't do those things right now.

I also looked around and found some of these people and it is like I am invisible to them IMO because we are in "different worlds". I have a couple that I am friends with and several that I am in professional relationships with. So... they see me just not always as friend or partner material. Not that they are stuck up or snobs but they are looking for a partner who can be with them and be their equal... right now I am not that.