Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten16
Ha ha, if only there were a solution as to what to do about transference! Bottle that one, kid, you'll be a millionaire!
I do think therapists have an awesome responsibility around this, and I'm not sure most are even aware of it. My own T thought it was "fun" to explore the ramifications of my feelings for him. So one of us enjoyed it.
It's tough - in real life, your feelings of insane attraction to someone else, the nutty overvaluation of that person in every respect, will dissipate over time. You finally see the person doing something stupid. They can't spell, they turn out to be racists dorks, they scream when there's a bee in the room, they recycle coffee grounds or cut off their callouses with a kitchen knife -- whatever! The halo clatters to the ground. In therapy, you never see your T in action. The T seems perfect, and you need them to be. The overvaluation takes longer to wear off.
Anyway, how to break the news? I had some tricks up my sleeve when I first brought up the subject. I knew my T enjoyed dream work, so I presented my fantasies more as waking dreams to him. We could then explore the possible symbolic meanings.
I tried not to use the word sexual in my descriptions of my own feelings (though that's what they were). I like the word erotic, so I used that -- it's less aggressive-sounding and potentially threatening, softer.
I told my T I was embarrassed. I said I needed his help if he wanted to continue to explore the subject of my feelings for him.
I also asked my T to bring it up next session, even if I didn't. My T always wanted me to guide the sessions, but I practically begged him to steer the sessions when we were talking about the transference thing. I really, really needed that.
That's all I can think of for now! Good luck tomorrow Masimo and Lavalamp!  |
Good stuff Kitten. You're right. I only see my T on her "best behavior." And she only sees me @ mine. I'm one of those people (I HOPE there's more than one of us!) who dresses particularly nice on the day of our sessions - makes sure my hair is doing what I want it to do... I'm 57 years old, for God's sake, & I feel like I'm getting ready for a date...! Embarrassing. And when I see her in her office my first thought ALWAYS is, "Man, she looks GOOD!" Of course, it comes out as - in a flat tone - "You look nice..." I've never seen her first thing in the morning - and neither has she seen me... (And I have enough of a grasp of reality to know we never will!) Probably would be somewhat different, I'm guessing! Point is I have NO IDEA what she's like outside of her office - nor she me.
You mentioned that the "overvaluing" of the T "takes longer" in the therapeutic setting. Does that mean it does go away? I guess I'm giving myself an "out" by thinking that if I wait long enough, this whole transference thing will go away & she'll never have to know. No? Worth a shot...
I also like your idea about asking my T to guide me through this topic when/if it comes up. Mine, too, likes me to guide the sessions & - left to my own devises - I usually walk out of there having not gotten to the things I would have liked to explore. And I trust her to do a better job of helping me through this - and most other issues - than me. I mean, my way GOT me there. I would think my T would know the best way out.
Anyway, thanks, again, for your input! Very, very helpful. Gives me hope. I don't know if all this will come up tomorrow or not, but if it does, you've given me some good advise on how to proceed.
Lavalamp